I have seen the future, and it might not be pretty.....
Prior to his kindergarten enrolment, Mark attended pre-school for last two years. He is a VERY smart little boy, but his fine motor skills are very delayed. In the first year of pre-school the teacher and I just assumed he was a boy, and behind. Second year, not much improvement, and with how crazy life was last year, I was in survival mode only. Now when I say he is delayed, I mean the kid can barely draw a straight line, let alone form any letters.
The school noticed the issue during the initial testing for kindergarten and had the occupational therapist test him and discovered his fine motor skills were about at 34 months, and he is 60 months. We did a little occupational therapy over the summer, but what he really needed was for me to work with him every day, and I was trying to muster up the courage to do that, because he can be very difficult to work with, and a lot of times he and I clash. (We are wayyyy tooooo much alike.) Well when the kindergarten teacher tested him last week she was very concerned. She has never had a student as delayed as Mark is, and told me it was going to take significant intervention on my part to bring him up to speed.
After speaking to her last week, I made a re-newed commitment to work with Mark every day. (FYI, Rick is even less patient with him than I am, and admits it.) I decided the best time of day to work with him is after lunch when Katie is down for her nap. Its quiet, he is mellow that time of day and not tired. After dinner he is tired and his patience is not good, which means neither is mine. Its really not difficult because we can only do about 10 minutes since that is about all his attention span will hold. After that he is frustrated and does not want to work with me anymore. (His teacher said I was right on with the 10 minute limit.) We work on drawing straight lines from dot to dot. Both the teacher and I have noticed it is something in his brain that is not communicating with his hands, and we need to connect that pathway.
Since he loves trains and is always begging me to buy him a new train, I told him last week that if he learned to write his name I would get him a train. That was good motivation, and he has been willing to sit down with me every day and work on writing. Tonight we went to Target and he was drooling over the trains he wanted. I again reminded him that if he learns to write his name he get to chose a train. It reaffirmed his motivation to practice writing.
Tuesday I came home from work to find a message on my answering machine that his teacher wanted to meet with me after school. Now mind you we are only in the second week of school....not a good sign when you are already having to meet with the teacher after school. I am afraid, knowing Mark, it is a significant foreshadowing of things to come.... She asked me what I thought about pulling him out of kindergarten and having him work on his skills for another year. I have thought about that, but intellectually and socially he is soooooo ready to go. Her concern, and rightfully so, is that he could get frustrated and discouraged if he sees the kids around him can do all sorts of things he can't. (I have also wondered to myself if he does stay, that at the end of the year he might need to repeat kindergarten, if he is still really delayed in his skills) She knows Mark's pre-school teacher, because the pre-school teacher is also the school's art specialist, and agreed to talk to Diane about Mark.
We decided to watch him for the next few weeks and see how he does. If it is really becoming an issue then I will pull him out, and figure out where to go from there. I am really stressed about bringing Mark's skills up to speed and the commitment it is going to take from me, when life is already feeling overwhelming. I am also stressed about doing what is best for him, and not damaging his sweet little spirit.
The good news for Mark is, he got in the personality line about 5 times, so what he lacks in fine motor skills he makes up for in personality, which as far as life goes, will serve him well, but I know school is going to be a struggle, despite how stinking smart he is. Did I tell you he argues and negotiates with me better than most lawyers I know? There are many days I am counting the minutes until he goes to bed, because it has been verbal warfare with him ALL day long.
Then there is Lauren, whose motto should be "practically perfect in every way" Although she puts wayyyy too much pressure on herself. She reads 165 words per minute, (going into third grade they are happy if they read 100) She is a perfect speller, (clearly she did not get that from me) and just got placed into an advanced math class, where she leaves her class room every day to go to a special math class. (not sure where that comes from?????)
So I have these two dichotomy of children that both live under my roof, and attend the same school...what comes to mind for me is that in 10 years I will be living "Ferris Buller's Day Off" as Mark is charming the school, getting away with everything, and Lauren is mad she played by the rules.....
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
In the year 2019.....
Posted by Tiffany Hales at 8:49 AM
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7 comments:
I've been there...my oldest had fine motor difficulties and some behavior issues. He still hates to write, and his writing looks like a younger childs' writing, but once he was old enough to use a keyboard his teachers let him.
After lots of tests, prayers, research and observation, we came to the conclusion that he has asperger's syndrome (high functioning autism). It was a long hard road to get there. He is very bright, is in most ways like any other kid, but in a few ways he just learns differently.
If you ever want to talk about it, I'm happy to.
Lora Dawn is a great person to talk to as well.
oh my, how stressful! Sounds like his kindergarten teacher is being patient and helpful, so that's good. Isn't it amazing how their little personalities are so different. We need to catch up soon!
Tiffany,
Is there anyone else who could work with him sometimes? A teenage neighbor he likes, an aunt, a grandma or grandma type. That might relieve some of the tension between you two.It's hard for moms to teach their own kids sometimes. Kids know too well which mom buttons to push. (If I were close, I'd do it.)
This is my special ed preschool self speaking.... if he is socially ready for Kindergarten, keep him in the class, but if you are having hesitations and plan on pulling him or repeating, now is the best time. Studies show that retention is not good for kids.
I just sent on a little guy from my preschool to kindergarten his mom just informed me she is going to homeschool him for this year. She teetered back and forth at what to do for next year. He also has difficulty with fine motor.
I agree with Jocile, outside help would be ideal!
I hope you find out what will work best!!
Tiffany, it reminds me how every child is so different; our Jacqueline was in half-day Kindergarten one year and her sweet teacher said that she was ready for First grade. Then 1 or 2 weeks into the semester we were called in and told that Jacqueline was not ready for First grade and would need considerable help to keep up with the class and the teacher was clearly not happy about having to deal with Jacqueline in her class. So we decided to have Jacqueline do a year of all-day Kindergarten. She had a lot of fun and liked her teachers. The next year she was in First grade again, and a few weeks into the semester we were called in and told that Jacqueline was bored and should go to Second grade! So, she did 2 years of Kindergarten and no First grade! Sometimes the half-day Kindergarten is a good option (we did everything at Challenger School at that time). The most important thing in my opinion is to find a teacher who accepts and is willing to work with your child. Sometimes you need to find a different school that has more flexibility with children and their uniqueness. Many children develop unevenly in their skills and talents, and the regular schools often don't want to deal with that. Talk to me anytime. Mark is an absolutely fantastic and very unique person and I believe that he is a special challenge.
Sounds like you already have good advice, but I'd welcome talking to you any time. Our L got occupational therapy at Canyon Crest. And we hired her aide to come once a week to our house. They didn't practice writing per se. They do all sorts of fun things with beads and puff balls and such. I don't have your email address or I'd email you.
I'm with you on frustrated! Treyson has a very difficult time reading (among other things) and is getting special help at school. I too have been feeling the pressure, guilt, etc. about not working with him at home enough. It can be painful to read with him at times and I can't bring myself to do it every day. I have had some relief from Jason and older sisters. They get frustrated too, but when we all take turns it helps. Yes, find others to relieve you of every day.
Treyson has the opposite with motor skills. His fine motor skills are more developed than his gross motor skills. He can draw, write, etc. but don't ask him to stand on one foot, or he'll fall over!
Good luck. You're doing a good job.
Your analogy of Ferris Bulher's Day Off, was funny.
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