Up Doo

Too short for pigtails, to long to be manageable, what ever is a mother to do? The classic baby up doo, is what a mother is to do! Unfortunately the baby is not convinced the look is the right doo for her.

I want to be a teenager again!

If you are a teenager in my ward, when you have a birthday this is what you will find on your doorstep courtesy of the Young Women's President. A jar full of gum balls in the colors of the YW values, and the values on the jar in vinyl letters, along with a tag that says "Chews to live the YW values" Courtney turned 17 last week and was the lucky receiptant of said jar.

I really can't complain that much because the YW president is my visiting teacher and instead of getting a cool thing once a year, she brings a wonderful message and a cool thing each month. So I guess it is better to be an adult and not a teenager.

You be the Judge.

Is it......

Boy walks dog or

Dog walks boy????

A little too early.

As of yesterday Lauren has been on summer vacation for precisely 28 days, not even a full month. In that time we have enjoyed the usual summer activities of playing outside, riding scooters, sports lessons, sleeping in, having friends over non-stop, and I am not even close to growing tired of her being at home despite the daily riffs that she and Mark get into.

Well on Friday I headed to Staples to find an office chair for my desk. Recently Rick purchased a lap top for me and I keep it at the desk in my kitchen. I have been sitting on a kitchen chair, and it just not comfortable. I need more padding and support, which is ironic because I look at my tushy and feel like the last thing I need is more padding, but support might be helpful. As I cruised the isles at Staples, heading toward the back of the store where the chairs were located, there were employees unpacking merchandise and placing it into cardboard bins, and filling up the shelves on the end of the isles. I studied the cardboard bins, I noticed that they said “Back to school ‘08” What??? Now mind you I am all for early celebration of holidays, and events, after all I am the person who puts her Christmas trees up November 1, but a back to school sale before the first of July?. Did you know in some parts of the country school has only been out a week or two? Don’t’ these retailers have any dignity?

I shook my head in disgust as I passed by the displays. I made a vow as I left the store that I would not return until August 1, which is an appropriate time to sell and purchase back to school items.

Hummm.......

Your children will chose to have the oddest discussions with you at the oddest time. Yesterday morning I was combing Lauren's wet hair, which always takes a while due to the tangled hair situation, and as I was combing Lauren said to me:

"I don't know how Santa stays alive so long? He has to have a good plastic surgeon."

Yes, Yes he does......

An encounter with broccoli.

Meet Katie

Meet Broccoli

Meet what Katie thinks of Broccoli!

Katie saw me eating broccoli during dinner and begged to have some. I broke off several little bites and put them on her highchair tray. Excitedly she placed one in her mouth, and then discovered that broccoli has a strange texture and taste. She spit it out, dropped it on the floor, and took the remaining pieces of broccoli on her tray and threw them on the floor, which many people would say is an appropriate place for broccoli.

The Fountain of Youth.

In our youth obsessed culture everyone is seeking things to keep them young and fresh. My friend Iris Parrish Stout, who recently celebrated her 100th birthday has the “Live to be 100 lunch.” Iris eats this lunch every day and it has suited her well.
Directions:

1. Spread mayonnaise and Dijon mustard on 1 slice of quality whole wheat bread.
2. Layer with sliced tomatoes, sliced avocado and extra sharp Tillamook cheese
3. Broil until cheese is melted
4. Serve with 1 Diet Coke. (Note: Diet Coke must be in a glass, and poured over ice. Drinking from the can is not acceptable)
5. End with 1 chocolate chip cookie
6. While enjoying lunch watch CNN.

I decided to try it. I found it to be delicious, nutritious and informative.

Whatever happens to you this week, it cannot be as bad as this…..

We have a Monday ritual at my house. We go to the grocery store, list in hand to purchase our groceries for the week. Prior to school getting out, it was usually just Mark that went with me, and occasionally Katie. Lauren was always very jealous that she did not get to go to the grocery store. Well now that school is out I take all three. I know I am just asking for the punishment I receive. The grocery store I frequent knows how to cater to the younger crowd. The kids get a free cookie at the bakery, and there is candy (i.e. Smarties, taffy, Jolly Ranchers etc.) that the checkers give to the kids at the check stand. Now you understand why my kids beg to go to the grocery store.

As the free sugar is consumed it goes straight to their heads and our grocery experience becomes littered with Lauren, and Mark is quickly picking up on it too, “Can we get__________ (fill in the blank.” And me saying, we don’t need, or we already have, or just flat out “no” to every sugary substance in site. Additionally Lauren likes to wonder off, because she finds the healthy food I am placing in the basket to be so frightful, she needs to scout out the next sugary substance and plan her strategy to wear me down to “yes” put it in the basket.

Mark likes to stand on the bottom rung of the cart and hold onto the end of the basket. I allow him to do this because then he does not wonder the isles. It’s kind of a lesser of two evils sort of thing. His newest thing is to drag one foot on the floor, while keeping one foot on the rung and still holding onto the basket. This occasionally results in him falling off the cart, and the cart running into or over him. Plus with him standing on the bottom rung on the end of the cart, it creates weight and balance issues for me trying to maneuver the cart through a crowed Utah County grocery store full of crazy mothers with children, or slow old people.

Katie, well she just sits in the front of the cart, taking in all the action, and attempting to grab anything within her reach whether it be inside or outside the cart.

By the time I reach the check out I feel beaten down, worn out and definitely ready to take my children and my groceries home. On Monday we approached the check out, placed our items on the belt and the kids got their piece of candy. The checker was merrily ringing up our stuff, and a bagger began packaging our grocery store finds. The bagger was a young kid, probably 16-17. He looked at me, looked at the kids and then said to the kids “I’ll bet your grandmother spoils you.” I stood there in stunned silence, astounded that he thought I was their grandmother. The checker quickly corrected him and told him I was their mother. Apparently taking three kids to the grocery store quickly ages anyone. Going to be looking in to Botox.

A Sweet Treat

While I was in Arizona, Courtney introduced Katie to Popsicles. Well she took to them like a fish to water. Anything sweet, she is all over that. She is unable to negotiate the Popsicle alone, so I must put the Popsicle in her mouth and let her suck for a minute or two. She has also learned how to scrape the top of the Popsicle with her two front teeth, while Popsicle juice is freely drooling from her mouth, all down her face and onto her bib. She is a rather sticky mess in the end, not that much different from how Mark looks after a Popsicle.

Will he Ever Learn??????

Mark, upset after his fall, seeking comfort from his "little blanky."

When I was pregnant with Mark my OB/GYN recommend that I cease consuming diet coke because according to her studies show that drinking Diet Coke when pregnant can stunt the brain development of the baby. Well never being one to unquestionably follow a doctor’s advice I continued to consume Diet Coke. Plus generally speaking I thought my doctor was full of crap. She never bothered to listen to me, so I afforded her the same courtesy.

When Mark was born and they measured the girth of his head the pediatrician was astonished at its size. It was so large it was not even on the growth chart. (Imagine how large it would have been if I actually followed the doctor’s advice) Mark’s head continued to grow at an astounding rate and to this day it is not on the chart and is bigger than Lauren’s. My pediatrician has reassured me that studies have proven that children with exceptionally large heads really do have more brains and are smarter children. Now generally speaking I would agree with my pediatrician because if you have every carried on a conversation with Mark it is immediately clear that he functions on another level. However that being said, the part of his brain that governs self destructive behavior has been misfiring.

His newest thing is to “jump” while going down stairs. He has been doing it all week. Usually he falls a step or two, but tonight he came tumbling all the way down the stairs, landing on the hardwood floor. This was the second time today he fell to the bottom while engaging in his latest adventure. You would think that one bad fall would cure him of wanting to continue to literally “jump” down the stairs, but no he still wanted to test his ability. I guess maybe I should have taken it easy on the Diet Coke.

Lauren's been Tagged!

Lauren was tagged, so here are 11 things about Lauren.

1. Not only is Lauren very sweet, she has a huge Sweet Tooth. Lauren will eat sugar in any form, and the greater the quantity the better. Lauren's Sweet Tooth is adverse to any vegetable with the exception of green beans. It is also adverse to most fruits. Lauren prefers her sugar in the refined form.

2. Lauren is the best big sister in the history of big sisters. She adores her little sister Katie. She is always making faces at Katie, trying to get her to laugh, and likes to show her how to do things. Lauren is very patient with Mark, who thinks he should be first in all things. Since school has been out Lauren and Mark have spending a lot of time playing together, which has resulted in neglect of the Thomas Trains by Mark.

3. Lauren learned to read in first grade and took off with it. She was in the top reading group in her class, and can pretty much read anything. My days of spelling things out to Rick are over.

4. Lauren loves to do arts and crafts. Give this girl paper, crayons or markers, scissors and glue, and you will be amazed what she creates.

5. Lauren is very social. They have opened a new park about a block from our house and the kids beg every night to go to the park. It not like we don't have our own park in the back yard, because we do, but it is missing one important thing, the neighborhood children. Lauren goes to the park, not so much for the exercise, or fun equipment, but rather to see and be seen.

6. Lauren is a fashionista. Lauren LOVES new clothes and finding new ways to combine her clothes to make a cute outfit. This is a girl who understands the value of looking uber cool.

7. Lauren gets to be baptized next year, and is very excited!

8. Lauren like to do tricks with her jump rope. Currently she like to criss-cross her jump rope and jump through it.

9. Lauren LOVES to play computer games. Her favorite sites are Barbie Girl, Bratz, and Build-a-bear. Lauren goes to their sites and plays games creating a cool fantasy world.

10. Lauren thinks all vacations should start and end in California. It really does not matter if it is northern or southern California, just as long as it is California.

11. At the age of seven Lauren believes that she has the coolest, neatest, most wonderful parents in the whole world, and those parents hope she holds that view forever, but we are not optimistic about that in 7-10 years, but we are optimistic that she will hold that view in 15-18 years.

Now you know all about Lauren, Lauren would like to tag, Arianne's Kallie, Jenni's Weston, and Marci's Noah.

An unexpected surprise.

Earlier this month I was in my yard trimming my bushes for the wedding reception. I had been working on a bush close to deck and back door. I looked down and noticed this dragon fly. I was really surprised he was just hanging out and undisturbed by all my trimming, because I had been ruthlessly hacking away at his home. I decided to cease trimming, and let him be. I called the kids to come see and Lauren wanted to know if we could capture him and keep him for a pet. I informed her we were ill equipped to maintain the lifestyle he was accustomed to and that it was best if he remained free to live in our bush.

I Heart Daddy.

The Sunbeam teacher was feel particularly adventurous, or crazy, on Sunday, and helped the kids make this cute Father's Day gift. She had the boards prepped and painted red. The kids got to pound the nails in with adult supervision of course, and then they tied the string around. Mark was so excited to give it to Rick and Rick is excited to take it to his office.

On the other end of the spectrum, Lauren's class also made Father's day gifts and included treats related to dad, such as Dad's Root Beer, Pop Rocks, and a Sugar Daddy. Since our Sugar Daddy is watching his waist line, he drank the root beer, Lauren ate the Pop Rocks, and Mark consumed the Sugar Daddy. Father's day was great all around.

The Real Crime in Provo.

My cup does not runeth over.

The police force in Provo needs to start arresting the real criminals and stop messing with the petty folks such as me. The police department can start with the management of Sonic. On Monday I went to get my daily 44 oz of Diet Coke, also known as a Route 44, and was told “I’m sorry we are out of Diet Coke.” What??????? How do you run out of Diet Coke? They are in the business of selling mass quantities of Diet Coke. Surly they know how many drinks they sell on a daily basis. How hard is it to predict the quantity of Diet Coke syrup you are going to need and order the correct amount? I believe even Lauren could figure that math problem out.
As a citizen of Provo I demand that the police department, specifically Officer 3178, take immediate action and arrest the management for false advertisement, and bring them to justice.

The Verdict is In.

June 16, 2008 was my date with destiny or at least the city court system in Provo. 4:00p.m. was the time I was destined to meet the judge, the prosecutor and Officer 3178. For the record Officer 3178 does have a name, Todd Breckenridge.

I arrived, stripped off my jewelry for security, had my purse inspected. There was a big TV screen with a calendar of the days cases, and there in bold for everyone to see was “Provo City, vs. Vincent, Tiffany Hales.” I told you I was a criminal, because only true criminals get to be listed in BOLD letters on the court’s calendar. I was half counting on Officer 3178 to skip my important court proceeding, hence increasing my chances of a dismissal, but no such luck.

I waited patiently in the court room for my trial to begin. Enter the prosecutor, questioning if I am Tiffany Vincent. I admit to who I am. Then in disbelief he says “You are here on a registration ticket? “ I politely nod. He then asks why I am fighting it, and I say that I want the ticket dismissed. He asks if my registration was expired. Clearly he was sick the day they discussed the 5th amendment, which is the right against self incrimination, in constitutional law. I told him I was not going to answer his question. Not quite what he expected. He then asked “Do you want to go to trial?” I responded “Yes.” He shook his head in disbelief and said “What is your defense?” I said “I am not going to share with you my defense, you will have to wait until trial.” A look of concern crossed his face and he said “ok” and went to find the statute book to look up the elements of the crime. I guess he does not see a lot of expired registration tickets going to trial. I continued to sit in the court room like a Cheshire Cat with a big old grin on my face, while he and Officer 3178 scrambled to pull their case together. I have to admit I felt a little nostalgic for my days as a prosecutor, while I sat in the court room. There really is nothing quite like traffic court with pro-se litigants. Shooting ducks in a bucket it is.

Finally the judge arrives and we all rise. The judge invites me to sit at the defendant table. Again I truly am a criminal. As the judge is explaining the court proceedings I being to notice that my heart is beating faster, my hands are shaking, and quite frankly I am nervous, an emotion I did not expect. Officer 3178 takes the stand and begins his testimony. He notes that he made two clerical errors on the ticket, he had the date as 05-87-08, and the location as University Ave, when it was actually Canyon Road. Also when questioned by the prosecutor as to whether or not the person he stopped is in the court room, the officer looks at me and says he is not sure. I am really foaming at the mouth now. I get my turn to cross-examine, and ask Officer 3178 if he recalls our conversation when he gave me the ticket. The prosecutor objects on relevance, and I counter back it goes to Officer 3178’s recollection of the incident and credibility. By now the prosecutor realizes that I am not the average pro-se defendant, because I have a complete understanding of the rules of evidence. The judge over-rules the objection, and the officer DENIES telling me that the ticket would be dismissed if I corrected the registration within 14 days. I have no more questions.

The City rests its case and the judge turns to me. I request to make a motion to dismiss. I have a brilliant legal argument that the charging document is insufficient to prove the case because it has an incorrect date and location, and although Officer 3178 has clarified those points, the charging document is inaccurate and hence the case should be dismissed. The Judge turns to the prosecutor who has clearly been caught off guard. The prosecutor says all he has to do is prove it happened in the City of Provo, and that the document can be amended. The judge says “Well you did not do that.” By now I know I am home free, dismissal will be granted, criminal no more, I will be cleared. Then the hammer falls, the judge denies my motion. All the grin of Cheshire Cat leaves my face, and I know my fate, I will be convicted. The judge asks if I would like to testify, which I know will just prolong the agony. I rest and the judge finds me guilty of the crime of driving on an expired registration, and proceeds with sentencing. I am fined $25 for my acts against the State and order to pay in full immediately.

I left the courtroom, paid my fine, and now I have a tarnish that will forever live with my name. I am a convict for having an expired registration, all courtesy of Officer 3178. I will be sending him a Christmas card.

Don't Argue with the Man

Mark eating a "Sugar Daddy" Mark's "Sugar Daddy" in the background.

The Primary presidency in my ward are slow learners. Despite Mark's throwing up at their last activity, they were brave enough to have another activity and invite Mark to return. Good news, no revisited food, bad news, Mark was in rare form.

The children were divided up by age group. One of the games was octopus tag, played in the gym. (I have no idea what octopus tag is or how it is played) The sunbeams were all gathered around the teacher, sitting on the floor, receiving instruction on the rules. The teacher asked who wanted to be the octopus and several children raised their hand and said "I want to be the octopus." Mark surveyed the situation, stood up and said "I AM the octopus." The teacher could not argue with him, it would not have done any good anyway. Mark was the octopus.

NOTE: For Father's day the children sang in sacrament meeting. As opposed to Mother's day, Mark did actually sing, and was not telling everyone to "Shssss." He did however pick his nose while singing. We are getting quite a reputation.

The Land of the Rising Sun.

Phoenix did not disappoint in the HOT category, the shopping category, or the mom time off category. It was a balmy 103-108degrees while I was there. The good news was that the conference was air conditioned, and so was my room. The nights were delightful. We stayed at a resort, and they had a bank of rooms for our group surrounding the pool, with each room having patio access to the pool. They did this so we could be self contained, and they would not receive complaints from the other guests about the noise. There is nothing quite like government employees with an average age of 50, who hit the hospitality suite at 5:00 p.m. for all the free alcohol they can consume. I must add my room was right across from the hospitality suite for the conference, and on Wednesday the only thing you need to know 2:00 a.m. I did not even have to leave my room to enjoy the entertainment, all I had to do was sit on my patio.

My Macy’s card got a workout, under the guise I am doing consumer research for Macy’s. Last month I wrote a letter to Macy’s letting them know that I was dissatisfied with their selection in their Utah stores. I have a meeting in July with a big mucky-muck. I took lots of pictures of fashionable, relevant, and trendy clothes I saw in their stores in Arizona so I can hopefully encourage them to improve their Utah stores. Will update in July on my success or failure.

The mom time off was the best. I felt slightly guilty, but not really, after all it was work related. When I got up in the morning, the only person I was responsible for getting dressed and fed was ME!!! At 5:00 p.m. when the conference session was over for the day I could do ANYTHING I wanted to do! The best part, FIVE days of uninterrupted time in the bathroom.

At home I have ceased being able to pee and poop in private. It is a public event in my house. No sooner do I head to the bathroom when one, two or all three of my children feel the need to follow me and engage in deep meaningful conversation while I try to take care the demands of my bladder and intestines. These conversations that require immediate attention are, what are we having for dinner, can I have a snack, can I invite a friend over, when are we going to_____ (fill in the blank), _____(fill in the blank) is being mean to me, hitting me, touching me, looking at me, thinking about me, etc. None of these important issues can wait the mere two to three minutes it will take me to relieve myself. I have tried locking the door, but they are fast, and beat me to the bathroom knowing they will have my undivided attention. On the rare occasion that I do successfully lock the door it results in crying by the locked out party, in addition to loud banging on the door, leaving me to question if it is easier to lock them out or allow them in?

So for five days I was able to sit in the bathroom and ponder my own meaningful thoughts such as I wonder what they will have for lunch today, will there be cookies at the afternoon break, do I have any friends to sit by during the conference, and when will the session be over so I can _____(fill in the blank). Nothing quite like a vacation……

Would you eat this?

Salt, sugar and vinegar, Mark covers them all in his lunch choice. Mark’s favorite lunch choice is a peanut butter sandwich with strawberry freezer jam and a pickle spear. He will eat this about four times a week. I almost have to gag when I serve him, because he takes a bite of his sandwich and then his pickle. I can’t even imagine what that combination must taste like in his mouth, and he eats every last bite. Apparently his taste buds are deformed, or he is suffering pregnancy cravings.

Bubbles everywhere!

Bubbles, Bubbles everywhere, we have a bubble machine that spits them out just like your are on a Hollywood movie set. As you can see the kids had a great time chasing bubbles.

The only down side is the bubble machine uses a lot of bubble soap. I have got to figure out where to purchase in gallon quanities, or learn to make my own!

The look of Summer

In my family I won the genetic lottery and inherited my dad’s skin which tans easily, as opposed to my mother’s which was Ison skin, also known as mayonnaise skin, pasty white skin, and lacking any ability whatsoever to tan. In a former life I worshiped the sun and would seek to get as dark as possible during the summer months. A few years ago I began to notice that I was getting spots on my skin as a result of my sun worship, as well as wrinkly skin. My mother warned me this would happen but I did not listen, I just assumed she was saying this because she was jealous of my ability to tan, and wanted me to endure the pasty white skin that genetically she had been blessed with.

Well I have repented of my sun worship, and now rely on self tanners for that amazing look of summer skin. These are my two favorites. The application is easy, the smell is tolerable, the product can be evenly applied in order to avoid the “streaky” look, and the color is great. They work in three days, and the darker color really looks like my natural color when I have been out in the sun.

World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) Smack Down Certified.

Many of you may not be aware that I am training for a new career as a WWE member. I have grown increasingly bored with the legal profession and need a new direction in life. Katie has helped me see that I have potential as a professional wrestler. Six times a day Katie and I practice for my new career. When does this practice take place you ask, when I am changing her diaper.

We begin the diaper change by placing Katie on the towel on the kitchen counter. Immediately she begins to turn her body and look around to see what might be within her reach to grab, and will grab it. Even if there is nothing for her to grab she is still trying to roll over during her entire diaper change. In order to successfully change her diaper I have to place my left hand/ arm over her chest, while removing the wet diaper with my remaining right hand, and then very quickly remove my left hand/arm from her body, hoping she will not roll, grab her legs and lift them up, while with my right hand I place a clean diaper under her very cute bum, and quickly attach.

If she happens to have a dirty diaper then I must grab her feet with my left hand while removing the diaper with my right hand, meanwhile she is trying to turn over, so I must counter the force of the direction she is trying to turn with force in the opposite direction to keep her on lying her he back until her bum is clean. If a clothing change is involved it is a full body workout. I expect by the end of the year that I will be in fabulous shape and will be smack down certified. Watch out World Wresting Entertainment there is a new mama in town and her name is “Tiffy the Terminator” and she will terminate any wet or dirty diaper in a flash!

The Black Hole

Every year when the back to school sales roll around I purchase no less than a dozen pairs of scissors. I place 2-3 pairs into rotation. Inevitably they begin to disappear and I pull out more scissors, until I have exhausted my supply, which is usually just short of the new school year, leaving everyone in my house searching for scissors during the dull drums of summer, when scissors are a must for summer craft projects to entertain small children and adults alike. I have tried everything to avoid my scissors growing legs and walking off my desk. I have written “desk scissors” on the scissors with the hope that the culprit guilty taking my scissors will realize he or she has unwittingly removed scissors from my desk, and return said scissors before I seek my revenge. I have tried a check out system for scissors. I have tried yelling and screaming, but to no avail, scissors disappear, never to be seen again.

I keep thinking with the quantity of scissors I have purchased over the years that at some point in time I am going to open up a drawer and discover a pile of scissors, or pull the lid off a box to find them all hiding, maybe under a couch, hidden in a corner, under a bed, in a closet, but alas the vast quantity of scissors has not surfaced, which has lead me to conclude that a black hole exists in my house with a gravitational field so powerful that once scissors have fallen into its prey they never escape to see the light of day again.

Who Knew????

One of the last tasks once school was over was to clean out Lauren’s backpack and sort through its many treasures. As I was pulling our math sheets, spelling tests, and reading words, I stumbled upon a bookmark. I saw the back of the bookmark before I saw the front. The back of the bookmark said “To: Lauren V. From: Josh Osmond.” I found this rather intriguing. I knew all the children in Lauren’s class so I knew he was not a classmate. Who was this Josh Osmond character and why was he giving my daughter a bookmark? First grade is a little young to have a boyfriend. I decided when you want an answer you go to the source. I questioned Lauren about the bookmark. Lauren casually said “That is from my 4th grade buddy.” During the school year Lauren had mentioned her 4th grade buddy on several occasions. Each first grader is assigned a buddy for the entire year and their buddy helps them with reading and math once a week. She never said the name of her buddy so I always assumed it was another girl, never thought it was a boy. I really never thought it was a boy with the last name of Osmond.

Out of curiosity I looked him up in the school directory, and sure enough he is Donny’s son. Who knew?????

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I am leaving today to spend the next five days in Scottsdale Arizona. Now you are probably wondering who in their right mind goes to Scottsdale Arizona in the middle of June, after all a simple check of the weather will tell you that Arizona is hotter than hell during the months of June, July and August. Well I will tell you who goes to Arizona in the middle of June, the National Association of Unemployment Insurance Appeal Boards, or NAUIAB. Yes, it is a conference for work, so I had little control over the destination. They do promise lots of water and ice will be available.

I hate to admit it, but I really look forward to this trip every year. I get five days away from my children, I get to interact with people from around the country who do what I do, and the best part is in the evening, I can do ANYTHING I want because I am all alone. I have been salivating for a month now trying to decide how I am going to spend my precious time. I do have a great friend, Anne, whom I have not seen in several years, so I am going to spend one evening with her, and of course I have scoped out the shopping mall on the internet, and mapped my way to the best locations. I expect to give my Macy’s card a workout.

In anticipation of my trip I have been struggling with what to wear. The conference is business casual, so shorts probably would not be the best choice. I can’t stand the thought of wearing long pants in that heat, so my dress pants are out. I decided on dresses and skirts. Last Sunday my friend Sherry came prancing into church in this completely cute black and cream linen sheath. I drooled over it and demanded that she provide the 411 on where she purchased such a darling dress, because I absolutely had to have it for Arizona. She was kind enough to think I was not completely insane and said it came from GAP. I promised that if I was going to wear it to church I would call in advance to clear it with her. (At my brother-in-laws wedding I came wearing the same dress as his aunt, which would not have been that bad, but the dress was bright pink and quite loud. We looked like we should have been bridesmaids. I learned never to attend a wedding wearing something recently purchased at a popular department store.)

I also found this black cotton dress at Target. Now don’t laugh it is a swimsuit cover up. I have absolutely no intension of stuffing my body into a swim suit during this trip, but I do plan on putting a white t-shirt under this cover-up and wearing it as a dress with cute sandals and jewelry.

Finally, Mark drug me to Old Navy on Thursday because he woke up that morning and decided that he needed his new flag shirt for the 4th of July immediately, despite my best effort to dissuade him otherwise. Lucky for me I was cruising through the women’s section and found this adorable black georgette dress. Again with cute jewelry and shoes I am set to go.

I am taking my lap top with me so don’t despair you will not be without tales of charm with humor and wit.

Charlie Boy's Pit BBQ, aka, The Wedding Reception.

There is nothing quite like good old southern cooking and hospitality, and tonight we had both at my house. The bride was unconventional and did not want a formal reception, she wanted a party, and that is exactly what she got. The father of the bride hails from North Carolina and talks with a fine southern accent, and owns Charlie Boy’s Pit BBQ, so who better to provide the food for the bride’s big party. I have to say it was the finest southern BBQ I have ever eaten.

The Bride and Groom

The tables and decorations before the guests arrived.

The table decorations

The pie and soda table.

The wedding cake.

The Band.

The party guests.

More Party Guests.

No event is complete without a tale of Mark. During the party Mark convinced some unsuspecting individual to dish him up a piece of pie. He then found a random family sitting on the grass and sat down with his piece of pie and joined in their conversation. Somewhere there is probably a member of the groom’s family questioning my parenting skills. Courtney found him and retrieved him, or rather saved the random family from Mark.

Its a good kind of hurt.

Can’t move. Nope not one single muscle in my body is capable of moving. Send Advil by the truck load. What is it about home improvement projects that they start out so small and insignificant, and blossom into one giant monster, far exceeding both the time commitment and the money allocated for the project? Home Depot needs to come with a warning label.

In the six years we have lived in the house our flower and shrub beds have been slowing loosing bark. For two years Rick and I have been saying each summer that we need to address the bark issue, but oddly enough we have always found something more compelling to do. This is why it is good to have big events held at your house because it forces you to address all those projects around your house you try to ignore. Our motivation was the wedding reception of Courtney Hurdle.

This is the wedding invitation.

Our original plan was just to do an area in the back yard by the arbor because it would be highly visible during the reception. We purchased 8 fifty pound bags of bark and believe that it would be more than enough to complete the project and smell good to boot. The eight bags disappeared quickly and the area was not done. Rick went back to Home Depot and returned with 20 bags. This easily finished the project, and allowed us to address other beds in our back yard. The back yard was looking mighty fine when we were done.

Then we went into the front yard and began looking at a very neglected area adjacent to the street. It was bad, as in Linda and I were pulling out a healthy crop of wild carrots, along with other weeds and debris. With the back yard looking so great, and knowing that people would be parking on the street, we knew it could not be neglected. Back to Home Depot and another 20 bags of bark. After we finished it did not even look like we live here anymore. I fully expect the neighbors to assume we have sold the house to someone who actually cares about the landscaping.

While we were barking, Jeff was mowing, and completing several odds and end projects, including replacing a railroad tie around the playground. Mark took the opportunity to help papa pound the nails in. For a boy who lacks the hand eye coordination to color or write, he does not lack the hand eye coordination to pound a nail. I have decided that Jeff needs to take up coloring and writing the ABC’s in order to spark some interest in Mark to exhibit some level of competency in those areas. Perhaps they could do it in the shop and Mark would think it’s part of hanging out with papa…...

Now for the best part, long after the bride and groom have driven off into the sunset, the cleanup is completed, and the parents of the bride and groom are relieved it is all over, I get to enjoy the beauty of my yard for the rest of the summer, and with the bark complete I now have one less thing in my life to feel guilty about, and that is a good thing!

NOTE: For those of you who want to see just how cool my yard turned out, I will be posting pictures of the reception on my blog on Saturday night. I told the bride I would provide the yard and it was her canvas to decorate.

It was time.

Six years ago when we moved into our house Rick and I purchased new patio furniture. After six years the frames were still in good condition, but the pads were in sore shape. They were dirty, faded, riped and torn.

They no longer repelled water and after a rain storm they would take 3-4 days to dry out, even in 100 degree heat. Several an unsuspecting person has sat down on a chair or the couch only to rise displaying a wet bum, leaving others to wonder if an accident had occurred.

It was time to upgrade to new cushion. Plus I never really liked the color and fabric of the old cushions, so I was excited to chose something I really liked. I thought a simple trip to Target would result in new cushions, however I did not realize all the different shapes and sizes cushions came in. Target much to my dismay did not have the correct size cushions in a pattern I liked. I checked several other places and determined that the Internet was going to be my solution. I placed my order in late May and was told that it would take 15-45 days to receive my cushions. I was really wanted my cushions before June 7, 2008 because we are having a wedding reception at our house that day. Earlier this week we were reflecting about whether or not we should get the old cushions out. I still had not receive any word on shipment of my new cushions so I said lets get the old ones out and set up the patio furniture and it will probably speed the shipment of the new cushions. From my mouth to UPS's ears. I set up the patio furniture on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning the new cushions arrived.

Here is the update chair.

Here is the updated couch.

Here is how my deck looks.

I love it! The colors were better than I anticipated and perfectly match my deck. The fabric is water resistant, so hopefully no more wet bums, and it looks really smart. I anticipate sitting on my deck watching the kids play while I sit with my lap top writing posts for my blog.

New Rules

MEMORANDUM
To: Vincent Children
From: Mother, aka mommy, aka mom
Date: June 5, 2008
Re: Sick Time

In light of recent illness and the disruptive effect it had on our lives, effective immediately any and all sick time must be pre-scheduled. In order to accommodate you I will need at a minimum two weeks notice of any impending illness. Four weeks notice would be greatly appreciated and increase your chance of Dr. Mommy being ready for duty. Furthermore in order to assist you and ensure that the proper medical supplies and equipment are available please place all requests for sick time in writing and specifically outline your symptoms, and include any special dietary restrictions. Any bodily functions associated with your illness will need to be contained to bathroom areas, and pre-scheduled as well. Requests for bodily functions during the hours of midnight to 8:00 a.m. will be denied.

Additionally requests for sick time will not be granted if sick time is requested during the two days proceeding or two days postceeding any legal holiday, with the exception of Christmas, in which no sick time may be scheduled from December 7 through January 5.

Illness is defined as any fever, sore throat, vomiting, upset stomach, diarrhea, aches and pains, bleeding requiring stitches, and broken bones.

Please note the changes as they will go into effect immediately. Your cooperation in following these new rules will be greatly appreciated and significantly increase and improve the care you will receive when ill.

Your loving mommy.

We are starting a trend.

At our house we like to think outside the box, so despite what you may have heard or believed, goggles are not just for swimming. Lauren and Mark decided that goggles were a necessary item when running through the sprinklers. By wearing goggles it prevented the need to close their eyes while running full bore through cold sprinkler water on slippery grass. They can now see where they are going, hence decreasing the likelihood of slipping on the slippery grass resulting in a visit to the emergency room, a place we know all too well.

As an added bonus they both look fashionable. Today’s trend in eyeglass protection is colored lenses. The goggles can be worn as a fashion accessory in addition to providing necessary protection for your eyes.

Am I Crazy or Brave?

Monday was the first day of summer vacation. I had a list of errands to run, including a long list for Walmart and a separate list for the grocery store. I ventured out with all three children, a prospect I usually find overwhelming, leaving me wishing for some sort of medication or alcohol either before or after.

After finding the majority of our items at Walmart, we were headed to the grocery store when Lauren asked “Mom can we go to Wendy’s for lunch.” Terror struck my heart as I thought of taking all three children into a fast food restaurant by myself, and attempting to eat lunch. It is easily conceivable that we could end up being permanently banned from Wendy’s. I gulped and said “yes” and began to formulate a management plan. When I pulled in the parking lot nearly every space was full, not a good sign. We entered the restaurant and I began searching for a booth. I decided that I would deposit the kids in a booth and then order, because there was no way I could manage the kids and the food tray simultaneously. As I scanned the restaurant, there were lots of tables for two, but no booths. We need lots of space in order to remain sane. I could not make a table for two work. Finally I spotted the only open booth and snagged it. I told Mark and Lauren to stay there and Katie and I went in search of a high chair. Success, high chair easily located. Only probably, high chair weighed about 30 pounds. I carried the high chair in one arm, and Katie in the other. The location of our booth required me to zig zag around several tables, and lift the high chair. Navigating baby and high chair through the lunch time rush at Wendy’s is not for the faint of heart. With Katie now successfully in her high chair and having given Lauren and Mark another instruction stay put, I proceeded to order our food. They were fast and efficient, which I appreciated, it gave my children less time to do damage while unattended.

We managed to eat our food without incident, except when Mark spilled frosty on himself and mommy. It was a nice treat for the kids and mommy did not want to kill anyone or herself at the end of the experience. Nothing occurred which would endanger our future standing with the Wendy’s corporation. When we left we threw our collateral damage in the trash can.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high,

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far

Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow.

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?

We were lucky enough last week to catch a rainbow shining on the mountain right above our house. When I was a child I loved catching rainbows. We would see several every summer, and now they seem quite rare. While I wish that my troubles would melt like lemon drops and that I could escape the challenges of life by wishing upon a star and waking up where the clouds are far behind me, the beauty of the rainbow reminded me how blessed I am and that dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

This is why you need a big sister.

In our house if you are 12 months old, 30 inches tall, and very curious, the most interesting person is Lauren. Mark has the potential to be interesting, but he has to get over his sharing issues first. Could take a while.

Katie watches everything Lauren does, and tries to copy her. On Wednesday night Lauren was coloring a picture at her little table and Katie wandered right up and began to investigate. Lauren had a big box of crayons and Katie helped herself to a green crayon. Instead of eating the crayon, as you would expect, she put the crayon to the paper Lauren was coloring, and began coloring, just as she had seen Lauren doing. I sat there is awe that, one she figured out what to do by watching Lauren, two she was holding a crayon and coloring, and three that she was just as good as Mark, maybe better.

After Lauren grew tired of coloring Katie dumped the entire box on the table and floor and had a great time playing with the crayons.

On Sunday I decided to let Katie play with crayons in Relief Society, and this is her master piece. It kept her entertained the entire time. The only problem was she kept walking over to the door and wanted to color on the door. I see lots of wall art in my future.