Go Tell it to the Judge.

I am MAD. Stark raving, completely enraged MAD. As you know I received a ticket for expired registration, 38 days to be exact, which means I am a troublesome criminal that should be publicly flogged. Well in an effort to remove the stigma associated with my criminal conduct, the day after I received the ticket I got my safety and emissions test, and passed with flying colors I might add, then I completed my registration through the slick on-line process offered by the Department of Motor Vehicles. One last stop, the courthouse to get my ticket dismissed.

After a few minutes of searching for the courthouse, it was not where I thought it would be, never mind the address was printed right on my citation, I entered the courthouse with my ticket, and my hot off the press proof of my updated registration. In fact just to prove that I take renewing my vehicle seriously and in order to clear my good name of the criminal offenses for which I have been accused, I showed up on day seven to resolve this matter, and I actually had until day fourteen. I breeze through security, stopping only to remove my necklace, and thinking myself quite smart for leaving my purse in the car. I proceed to stand in line for my turn to demonstrate how truly sorry I am for operating a motor vehicle in violation of the law. When it is my turn I approach with glee knowing that my ticket will soon be dismissed and my sins as scarlet will be turned white as snow. I hand the clerk my ticket and updated registration. She notes Officer 3178 has dated my ticket 5/87/08, but she is still able assist me, and makes a copy of my new registration for “the record.” I am getting giddy, it’s almost over. My feet begin to tap, my smile is a mile wide, I will sleep well at night knowing I am a free woman. Then she says “That will be thirty dollars please.” WHAT??!!!!! I kindly explain to her that she must be mistaken, because Officer 3178 told me that if I renewed my registration and brought proof in within 14 days the ticket will be dismissed. She replies, “Sorry this is not a ticket that can be fixed you will need to pay the thirty dollars.” At this point all giddiness has left, and anger is beginning to swell within. I consided my options:

1. I could pay the thirty dollars, however I did not bring my purse inside the courthouse, which means I would have to leave, go to my car, get my purse, enter the building again, strip for security, and stand in line again.

2. I could go tell it to the judge.

I select #2. I just could not bring myself to go through security again and suffer the humiliation of removing my jewelry. I demand to speak with the judge, after all I am an American citizen and fully know and understand my rights, besides I need to express to a higher authority how out of line this officer was in first, giving me a ticket for a registration that is only 38 days expired and second, in misleading me to believe that this ticket could be dismissed. I am told to walk down the hall to the second door on the left. Wow talk about a speedy trial, now this is justice. As I enter the second door on the left, speedy justice comes to a grinding halt. I am greeted by court scheduler who tells me in a snippy voice to wait on the bench outside until she is finished with the person she is currently helping. How was I to know she had someone in her office, I was just following instructions to proceed to the second door on the left. I sit on the bench and patiently wait. While I am waiting I being to contemplate the brilliant legal arguments I am going to make and the biting cross examination of Officer 3178 I am going to engage in. My mouth begins to foam at the thought, until my thoughts are interrupted by a rather loud “NEXT.” The court scheduler is all business and does not want to hear the details of how I have been unjustly treated by the Provo Police Department. I am given a date of June 16, 2008 at 4:00 p.m., and must sign a piece of paper indicating I promise to appear otherwise a warrant will be issued for my arrest. See I really am a troublesome criminal who should be publicly flogged.