Tales of the Housekeeper, the final chaper.

My new years resolution for 2011 was to create a simpler life. Clearly there are some things in my life that I can't get rid of such as a job and children, but I decided that things that were causing me stress that could be eliminated, should be eliminated.

My housekeeper causes me stress. I know that sound ridiculous, but its true. I decided that a clean house should bring me peace, not stress and every week I dread Wednesday when Rosalina comes. Our agreement is that she spend 6 hours a week cleaning my house. I make a list each week of what I want her to clean. Originally I had rotating weeks, such as Week A, Week B and Week C, and each week had different things to clean, the problem was she could never recall what week she was on, so she would do a particular list several times in a row and other lists would rarely get completed, which is why I decided I had to make a list each week of what I wanted clean during her 6 hour stay on Wednesday. Now she does not speak English very well, but at least she reads English.

There are things she cleans each week, and then I have other areas that get added to the list as needed. Now here is the problem....when she comes on Wednesday she is here from 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m., and I am here during that same time period. Now logically you would think she would move from room to room completing the cleaning of the room as she goes...nooooo she will do one thing in one room, then something in another room, and basically takes over my WHOLE entire house, leaving me no where to go. I get to hang out in my guest bedroom for six hours. Its a drag.

Now you might ask why not have her come when you are not there. Rick tried that. (She has been his housekeeper too, she drove him as nuts as she drive me, he used the excuse when he moved in 2009 that he no longer needed her in order to free himself.) He gave her a key and they arranged for her to come on a specific day and time. Well she thought since she had a key, the specific date and time was only a suggestion and she could reschedule at her convenience. Rick never knew when she was going to come. Add to the problem, that you have to put away your clutter BEFORE she comes, other wise you will never see your stuff again, because NOTHING ends up in its logical place, which really becomes an issue if you don't know when she is going to come. So I knew giving her a key would not work. I needed to be here to let her in on our arranged day to make sure she came on the arranged day. Plus the reality of my super demanding schedule is that it really does not work for me to have my house cleaned at different times and days each week. I need to know when she will be there so I can plan accordingly.

The other issue I discovered is that if I don't stay here the entire time, she does a "rush" job on the cleaning, and cuts out about two hours early, but still expects to be paid for the whole six hours. Which quite frankly I would be happy to pay if the quality of the cleaning was the same.

So that leaves me a prisoner in my own home and a slave to my cleaning lady. ENOUGH. I decided this was an area of stress I could eliminate. I told her at the first of the year. Last week was her last week. I am happily excited to clean my own toilet again and mop my own floor.

Rick is surprised I didn't do this sooner.....

The Wonder Years.

In May of 1993 I was a freshly minted, newly graduated lawyer, without a clue as to what I was going to be when I grew up. Now I had spent the majority of law school trying to avoid learning how to be a lawyer. (That is another post, for another day...) I only agreed to take the Idaho State Bar exam under duress, and I certainly had NO intention of ever practicing law. (Again, another post, for another day.)

I returned to Idaho from Provo, and moved in with my grandmother. I had no job, a paper to finish before my graduation would be "official" and honestly no clue what the future would hold. It took two weeks to finish the paper, and right around the time it was completed I received a telephone call from my former Young Women's advisor, Nadine Brown. Nadine was in charge of the Appeals Unit for the Idaho Department of Labor, and in need of some help. You see Idaho was in a recession at the time, and recessions are really good business for labor departments that administer unemployment insurance benefits. The joke among employees is "What recession were you hired in?" Nadine was looking for some temporary help conducting unemployment insurance hearings, and asked if I was available for 3-6 months. I checked my calendar, yep I was free. So to Boise I headed. My first real, albeit temporary, attorney job. Clearly she had never seen my law school grades..... so it was a good thing I had an "in" with the boss.

Upon arrival she directed me to an office, like one with an actual desk, chair, phone and computer, but most importantly a door that shut! A week or so was spent training me how to conduct a hearing. You know that pesky stuff like due process, but most importantly how to operate the telephone system, since most of the hearings were conducted over the phone by conferencing in all the parties. Then she turned me loose on society, or at least the unsuspecting people of the State of Idaho.

I called my best friend from law school, Robert, and told him I was working at an actual job, like as an attorney. I told him I conducted hearings, you know, like a judge, and people called me "your honor." (I laughed EVERY time that happened, because if those parties only knew the snot nose kid they were talking to.....) I had a telephone that had more lines, and lights then I had ever seen in my life.

I was in wonder and awe of the whole experience.

To this day I can recall my office, the color of the furniture, the floor tile in the 1960's circa building, the dark bathroom, and the faces of the people I worked with. I recall how grown up I felt driving to Boise every day, to work in office, dressed in a suit, to do something important. To make decisions, but most importantly to be trusted to make decisions. It was a magical time for me.

I didn't see a whole lot of Nadine. As an administrator she was in meetings, and I was busily about the business of being legal, but she would check on me, making sure I was enjoying my work, and telling me how grateful she was that I was there.

My time there was short, about six months. The recession was ending, the need for my services was dwindling, and I wanted to move on to other things. I went to law school wanting to be a prosecutor. I wanted to be in the courtroom, I wanted to be where the action was. I needed to take the bar. I bid my farewell and thanked Nadine for experience. It had been a "win/win" for both of us.

I took and passed the bar. I became a prosecutor. I threw people in jail. I rode with the cops. I had death threats. I won my first 16 jury trial in a row. I became a force to be reckoned with. It was a magical time too. Like all things in life it was a part of the journey, not the destination.

In 2002, nine years after swearing I would never live in Provo again, I found myself living in Provo again. And it was a recession. Utah Department of Workforce Services was looking for an Administrative Law Judge. Qualifications: Lawyer, trial experience, and unemployment insurance experience. Check, check and check. I applied. They hired me. (Again, good thing they didn't ask for my law school grades...) In the last 8 years I have moved within the Department to the job I have now. A job that I love, a job that gives me the flexibility to be a mom, a job that lets me work with really great people, and job that is interesting, fun and challenging. A job that when I started with the Department in 2002 I never imagined I would have. A job I never would have if I hadn't spent that short six months working for Nadine in the Idaho Labor Department.

Yesterday I found out my friend Nadine died. Cancer. Nasty, icky awful cancer. I have thought of Nadine over the years. I have thought of the professional impact she has had on my life. When I was a teenager she saw something in me, and believed. Believed enough to hire me right out of law school, at a time in my life when I didn't even believe in myself. Mentored me not only as a young woman, but as a professional.

I never could have known or predicted in 1993 the impact that short experience would have on the rest of my life. I am sure Nadine never could have predicted it either. After all she was just looking for some temporary help to move her rather large case load along. And I am quite sure as my young women's advisor she NEVER thought it would ever lead to me working for her some day. But that is what it is about. One person, connecting with another person, opening doors, creating opportunities, and believing.

Nadine made the wonder years, wonderful.

Utah in 3-D

In early January Lauren came home from school sporting a note informing me that she had to make a relief map of Utah, which counted for 100 points of her social studies grade and was due January 21, 2011.

Now for those of you unfamiliar with a relief map, think 3-D. You know mountains, valleys, rivers, lakes etc. This map was to be made out of salt dough.

I have to admit the first question I asked was "Whose is being punished here? Her or me???!!!" In the interest of fairness and not wanting to hog all the homework fun, I enlisted Rick's help.

We began by making our salt dough.

Got to kneed that dough.

Now here is where it is good to have a smart daddy. Rick suggested that he go get a topographical map of Utah, and we press the salt dough into the map, to form all the mountains, valleys, rivers and lakes.

Look how great that looks?!!

It popped out nicely as you can see.

Then it was on to painting the map, rivers and lakes included.

Finished product, including labels for 35 sites on the map, per the instructions from the teacher.

Glad the project is done, but let's just be clear here....as far as I am concerned the state of Utah begins at the Idaho/Utah border, runs to the southern city limits of Provo, and is about 40 miles wide. The only sights that need to be marked on the map are the locations of the Macy's along with a rating about the quality of the store. I am just sayin......., you will not catch me in the Unita mountains anytime soon.

Be warned....

Ok, this is gross, I admit it....my kids, well specifically Lauren, discovered this new game for the Ipad/Iphone. Its a pimple popper game. We are all addicted.....

So the pimple starts out all red like this, and you use your fingers to pretend you are squeezing the pimple, by moving your fingers on the Ipad/Iphone toward the inflamed area. If you are squeezing too hard or in the wrong fashion, the screen turns red to let you know the person is not enjoying the pain you are inflicting.

Once you successfully pop the pimple you get all sorts of puss, and fun white stuff. Then you get to return to the person's face in search of another pimple. And not all pimples are white heads, you get some black heads and even some scabs to pick.

Its almost as good as the real thing....

HOT!

Check out my new shoes that just arrived in the mail last week. I think they are just too cha, cha for words!

It was a good day, Indeed!

The last few years have taught me many lessons, but one in particular is to slow down and enjoy the ride. Its about creating memories with my kids, and letting them know they are loved beyond anything else.

With the change in the calendar year, came a change in our church time, and all I have to say on this matter his hallelujah. Our previous start time was 9:00 a.m.. Well you all know what a morning person I am, so to get up, get me and three kids ready for church was a real challenge. Now granted I do this every day for school, well technically I get them ready, and then I come home and get ready, and school does not involve fancy hair and dresses, so getting ready for school seems infinitely easier than Sunday. With 9:00 a.m. church it ALWAYS involved me yelling at one, two or three children, which of course always invites the spirit.....so now to have 11:00 a.m. church seems like heaven. We get to sleep in a bit, have a late breakfast, shower and bathe, and we don't feel rushed out the door. We ALL arrive for sacrament meeting in a peaceful mood, ready to feel the spirit.

Ok, now I have an admission about sacrament meeting. An admission that will probably damn me for all eternity.....I let my children pay with Ipads during sacrament meeting. I know, I know, my mother is probably rolling over in her grave. But they do have to wait until after the sacrament, and it keeps them quite and distracted which means I get to focus on the talks and the message, something I have not been able to do for several years because of small children. It used to be the joke it my ward that it really didn't matter where you sat in the chapel, you WOULD hear Mark. We had quite the reputation, and truth be told still do....people fear sitting by us....,unless of course they are looking for entertainment aside from the speaker.

The other thing about 11:00 a.m. church is that we are done by 2:00 p.m., which means I still get to have a nice afternoon nap. Yesterday it started out cuddled up next to Katie, and was interrupted about 45 minutes later when Katie informed me she needed to go "potty."

After the nap it was cuddle time in my bed with Mark while we watched YouTube videos of Thomas the Tank Engine for about 45 minutes. The man works an Ipad like no ones business. Its not me finding the videos, its him searching and finding what we are going to watch.

After that it was on to dinner. While I prepared a healthy meal of mac & cheese, Lauren made her first batch of brownies, completely by herself, with my supervision of course. She was quite puffed with pride about the whole experience. Katie was a little bitter at being told she needed to be older to make brownies alone, but lightened up when given the spatula to lick.

Brownies were yummy, children were adorably cute, and I could not get enough of kissing and hugging them. Yes, it was a good day indeed!

Antimony of a service call...

Last week I was doing wash. My children have this nasty habit of getting their clothes dirty. Apparently they don't understand the impact their dirt has on my life.

At the conclusion of my first load, I entered the laundry room and noticed a strange smell. It smelled like my detergent, but with a twist. I was a bit perplexed. Also it should be noted that during the cycle, my washer was making rather unusual noises. Well not to be deterred, I put in load number two. Same noise, and same strange unidentified smell. Load #3, same noise, didn't get to the smell, because the washer quit working mid-cycle. Yep you guess it, a load of jeans, and a washer not working, yet full of water. (I decided the smell was a combination of smoking washing machine motor in conjunction with my laundry detergent.)

Time for a service call. I have an insurance plan on my house that covers things like washers etc., so when I have the need for a service call I pay a fee and the technician comes, diagnoses the issue, and the insurance covers the cost to repair or replace. I filed my request on the Internet, being careful to use my cell phone number for a contact so that I could be located on a moments notice.

I wait. I wait. I wait. After a day and a half without a call to schedule my service, I call the company assigned and asked what the heck is going on. I am told they called the day before at 8:07 a.m. and left a message that my service call was scheduled for Monday between 1-5 p.m. Well of course I adamantly disagreed with that because I received no such call or message, and was told they called my land line, despite the fact I used my cell phone as the contact number. Well I disagreed with that too, because I don't have an answering machine on my land line, and my caller identification showed no record of their call. (Please for future reference, don't lie to me, I have a finely tuned BS meter, its the nature of my job.)

After a few minutes of arguing with the scheduling person, we agreed that my service call would be moved to Thursday between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. (Yes, that would be one full week from when the washing machine quit working, oh you can only imagine my current pile of laundry...) Around 1 p.m. the service technician calls me, want to make sure I am home of course...and I am. Then he begins to question me about my washer, and what happens when its running. I explain it is currently not running, which of course IS the problem. Let's just say at the conclusion of the conversation I was left wondering is he S.L.O.W, or is he high?

Upon arrival he is not happy to discover the washer has water in it, you know, because washers NEVER quit mid-cycle with water in them. Well at least I removed the clothes. Good thing I have a great neighbor who let me put my wet clothes in her washer last week. Then I am enlisted to help him move the washer. (Do you get a discount if you are required to help the technician?)

Verdict: Washer is not working. You know because that wasn't obvious to me LAST week when it quit mid-cycle full of jeans. Cause: Bad pump. Solution: Replace pump. Verdict: Washer now working.

Service technician.....might have been a little slow on the uptake, but clearly knows how to fix a washer....however did I mention he had a little, or rather larger flatulence problem? Oh, yes there is a lovely order now lingering in my house......

Of, snowmen and books....

Last September, about two weeks into the new school year, Mark came home sporting a library book. He was sooooo excited. He kept the book in his bedroom and we read it every night for a week. It was about snowmen, you know a timely subject in 80 degree weather.

After a week had passed I knew he needed to return the book. He has library once a week at school and is not allowed to check out a new book until the old book is returned. I placed the book in his backpack and told him to return his book.

About a month later Mark came home with a note from the librarian saying that his book was not returned and he owed $4.50 for the book, fine included. He was very upset. Mainly because he was denied the privilege of checking out a new book until the old book was returned or the fine was paid. Upon seeing the note I was wracking my brain. I was quite sure I had put the book in his backpack to be returned, but it had been a month, and I can't recall what happened yesterday, let alone a month prior. I questioned Mark about returning the book. He was quite ADAMANT that he had returned the book. So I decided ignore the note and hope the book would make an appearance either at home or school. (Truth be told I was just waaaayyyy to busy to worry about a lost library book, and given Mark's track record of losing things, I decided that his NOT being allowed to check out library books was probably a good thing. )

Enter the month of December....ok, I am an awful mom. I did not check his backpack during the month of December. He never has homework, and whatever notes the school sends home, Lauren gets the same note, so its just not a priority. Well when January came along Mark informed me he had homework, and was quite insistent he needed to do his homework. Not believing he really had homework I checked his backpack and discovered he did indeed have homework every night. We already had two nights of homework upon discovery.

In the process of checking his backpack I discovered a second note from the librarian, and it was more stern that the first and highlighted in purple marker. Book still not found or returned, and the fine was still due and owing, as in DUE and owning NOW. Which begs the question, if you are in first grade and you don't pay your library fine, what are the consequences, aside from not being able to check out another book? In high school and college they hold your grades and transcript hostage. Do you not get to advance to second grade if you owe the library for a book? Detention? Is it a mark on your "permanent" record?" It is like your immunizations, they kick you out of school if you are not up to date? Or is it more like a truancy notice they send the parents if your kid has too many absences or tardies? Well not wanting to find out what consequences the Provo School District might impose on either me or Mark I decided I needed to fork over my $4.50, and release Mark from his library sentence.

Dressed in my finest lawyer attire for work yesterday I proceeded to the library to atone for our library sins. Upon arrival, no one there....I pondered...should I leave the money and the threatening note that was sent home, should I leave and try another day....should I hang out, after all it was a library, I am sure I could find something to read. Alas the librarian rounded the corner.

She asked if she could help me. I explained that I received a note that my son did not return his book, and I needed to pay a fine. I also explained that I was quite sure the book was returned. She took my note, and my money and began to study my note. (I thought perhaps she was realizing that she had been a bit too harsh in the note and we really were not the hardened library criminals she had made us out to be.)

"Oh the snowman book..." she said. "I think we found that book just a few days ago. Let me check." Click, click, click go the keys of her computer. Yes indeed the book was located. During some Christmas vacation cleaning of the library, the book was located on a shelf, but not in the correct section. Apparently Mark had indeed returned the book, but rather than place the book in the book return, he engaged in a little self help and attempted to re-shelf the book. I guess my constant nagging about putting books back on the shelf at home translated into returning your library book to a shelf, and in Mark's mind, any shelf will do. He had indeed returned the book, just like he told me in September. The librarian returned my money and told the the matter was resolved, and Mark could now check out library books again.

The question is, just because you can do something like check out library books...should be allowed to check out library books.....

Tales of the Housekeeper #8

Now in my house in the winter time I keep my furnace set at around 69 degrees. We all wear warm clothing, and if we are not moving around then usually we are bundled up under a blanket either on the couch or in our bed, and sometimes at my desk I use a space heater. I don't think 69 degrees is freezing, but I also don't think its tropical, but by January my body has adjusted to 69 degrees.

The other thing about my house is it has two furnaces. One for the basement and main floor and one for the upstairs. Now the upstairs doesn't have a ton of windows and no exterior doors, and heat rises, so the upstairs always feels warmer than the main floor. Which is good, we sleep up there, and bed time is usually the only time we spend upstairs.

For the last three Wednesday's in a row when I have gone upstairs at bed time to tuck my darling children into their beds I have noticed it has been exceptionally warm, as in 74 degrees warm. Which if your used to 69, feels really HOT. I have checked the thermostat and sure enough the heat has been cranked to 74 degrees. The first two times I just turned the temperature down, and really didn't give it a second thought. Tonight, I paused.... I knew my children were not messing with the temperature, because they hadn't been upstairs since they left their beds in the morning. The only person who had been upstairs was Rosalina.

The other reason this caught my attention was around 6:00 p.m. tonight I noticed that the main floor of the house seemed really cold so I checked the thermostat and discovered that it read at 63 degrees, and then I noticed the heat had been turned off. The only child tall enough to reach the thermostat was Lauren and she had been at school and dance all day.

Now here is the question I ask: Would you ever go into someone elses home and messing with their heating system???!!! Honestly, I would not. To me its like when you borrow someones car and reset all their radio stations, to your personal preferences. Its like a personal body bubble issue. It just flat out crosses a line in my book.

Not to mention what is the logic of turning off the heat on the main floor and turning up the heat upstairs??? Probably best NOT to try to figure that out.....

In light of yesterday's post....

In light of yesterday's post, this post seemed, well... appropriate.

In early December Darrin and his kids came down from Idaho to spend the weekend with us and do some fun Christmas activities, including seeing the light on Temple Square. We loaded the kids in the car, loaded the hot chocolate in the car and headed to Salt Lake City.

Now if you have ever tried to park in downtown SLC during Christmas, it is in one word, DIFFICULT, especially if you are wanting to park anywhere near Temple Square. So I devised a plan of action. Mark LOVES to ride tracks, (the train in SLC) and once in the downtown area, they have a free fair zone. My plan was to park by the courthouse and hop on the tracks to temple square, and avoid parking nightmares. Upon exit at 6th south traffic was backed up. Again not unusual during Christmas, but it was more backed up than I expected. It was clear getting to the courthouse parking was going to take a while.

Plan B. Head over to my office and park in the parking lot there and catch the university tracks line at the library. My office is by the city/county building, which has metered parking on three of the four sides and is adjacent to the university line. I thought "great, parking is free during Christmas, we can park there and its closer to the line than my office parking lot." As I approached I noticed there were no cars parked in the metered parking, which seemed a bit unusual, but it was the weekend and this area is prime real estate Monday through Friday. As I parked the car a car pulled up next to us, blocking my view of the meter.

We hopped out, grabbed all our coats, hats, gloves, and headed for the tracks station. Caught the train, saw the lights, had a great time. Took the train back to our car. I have to admit I was patting myself on the back for my slick parking trick, and actually thinking it was smarter to be on the university line, because the Sandy line was full with people like me trying to avoid downtown parking. The university line was empty. Upon arrival at our car I found this in the windshield.

That's right a parking ticket.

How could this be I wondered? Then I looked up.

Apparently the reason no one was engaging in my neat parking trick and the reason why the metered parking was EMPTY, is because on weekend the City of Salt Lake does not want you to park near their building. A small fact I overlooked in my haste to get five children out of the car with all the appropriate winter attire on, plus I like to blame the other car that pulled in the same time we did, hence blocking my view of the meter. So my neat parking trick wound up costing me a cool $25.00.

But we did have a great time!

Again, a sea of blonde hair and blue eyes. I swear we look like Sweden threw up on us.

The frat house across the street....

Ok, in my swank neighborhood there is one house that has continually been a problem. It is the house across the street from me. Originally it was built by Donny Osmond, and according to my neighbors during the time he lived in the house he was a wonderful neighbor. He sold the house to a playboy/party type, who built a hideous addition on to the house and was famous for holding all sorts of parties. The neighbors were very happy when he was run out of town.

The third owner of the house was an incredible family, however due to church callings and assignments that took them out of the country, they probably spent more time NOT living in the house than actually living in the house. They occupied the house at the time I bought my house. A short time later they put the house on the market because he got a new church calling that required him to be out of the country for five yeas. The house sat vacant for a few years until it sold. The fourth owner of the house was a very young couple, which I really liked, but they were involved in what I like to characterize as a "get rich quick" real estate scheme that eventually collapsed, and they lost the house to foreclosure.

The fifth owner of the house, who is the current owner, is an individual who likes to purchase foreclosed properties, hold on to them until the market bounces back and then sell the property. He has had the house for about a year and a half, and the house has been vacant. Recently his grandson who just returned from a mission and is attending college moved into the house with two of his college buddies.

Now to fully understand the impact of this I have to tell you a little about the house....now earlier I mentioned the hideous remodel/addition that the second owner did to the house, well he remodeled it into a party house, and despite the efforts of subsequent owners, short of demolishing the house, it really has bad flow, that is if you want to live the family lifestyle. If you want to live the party lifestyle, well then this is your house.

The house is rather large, 13,000 square feet to be exact. It has both an outdoor and indoor pool. HUGE media room, dance floor and quiet frankly probably one of the best views of Utah county you can find. One side of the house is floor to ceiling windows. (I hear rumors that the utilities on the house run close to $1,500 per month, which quite frankly knowing the lay out of the house and the amount of single pane glass windows, I believe it.)

So you can imagine my pure delight at discovering my new neighbors are college age kids.....this house is a magnet for parties.....and what do college age kids like to do....party.

Now I am not against a good party, heavens knows in my college days I had quite a good time. My objection is to parties in MY neighborhood, because quite frankly if I wanted to live in a party environment I would have purchased a house south of BYU campus, not up on the hill in my tree lined family street.

Ok, now you have the background, how about the rest of the story???....

On Friday night Rick came to my house to spend some weekend time with the kids. After we got Katie and Mark to bed, I took Lauren out for a late night girls movie, and he went to bed. We returned from our movie around midnight. As I was approaching my driveway I noticed that there was a gold colored car parked in my driveway behind Rick's truck. I did not recognize this car as belonging to anyone I knew, and Rick had not said anything to me about any of his friends coming over to my house. After going inside my house and determining that Rick was indeed asleep, and I did not have any unexpected visitors, I assumed the car belonged to the house across the street, which by the way at this point in time was in full PARTY mode. After all it was the first weekend of the new semester, so no nasty tests or assignments to bog down party fun.

I promptly called the police department and informed them of the car that did not belong in my driveway and requested that they take action to remove said car. I was politely told by the dispatcher that since the car was parked on private property the police could not do anything but I could have the car towed. Great. Did I really want to deal with a tow company at midnight? Not really.

On to plan B. With Lauren watching out my mud room window I marched myself across the street to locate the owner of said car and share with the owner a piece of my mind about parking in someone else's driveway, BEHIND their vehicle! I was greeted at the door by a sign telling me that indeed this was the house where the party was being held. (Like that wasn't obvious by the number of cars...) The sign also said that due to the large pile of up of snow on the street, parking was limited and it was suggested that guests park at the church parking lot at the bottom of the hill and either walk up or caravan. An instruction that was clearly lost on the owner of said vehicle. The sign said there was no need to knock, I was welcome to come on in. So I took that as my cue to crash the party. And crash I did.

I walked in and in the living room individuals seated looked my way to see who had arrived. It was mostly girls in the living room, and quite frankly I was looking for the party's male host. I went to the basement, because from the noise I could tell that is where the real party was happening. As I made my way to the bottom of the stairs, it was clear to the party guest that I did not belong at the party, because I was not age appropriate for this crowd. At the bottom of the stairs I announced that I was looking for the owner of the gold Honda accord parked in my driveway. Individuals started to stare at each other, with puzzled looks on their faces. Finally some young twit of a college age girl spoke up that it was her car. I informed her she parked it in MY DRIVEWAY, blocking a vehicle. Her response, a pathetic sorry, and that she would move the car. I followed her and her twit friend (you know they ALWAYS come in pairs) upstairs indicating that it was really immature to park in another person's driveway, and questioned them about their age. As they put their shoes on, I walked out of the house, slamming the door, leaving no doubt that I was upset with their choice of vehicle parking.

Upon return to my house I went into the mud room to check on Lauren and report that the car was going to be moved. Then I decided I was still upset, and that this twit of a girl and her friend needed a lesson on parking they would not soon forget. I went out on my back door stoop and as they were approaching the car, I asked in my best and most stern mom/lawyer voice "What in your right mind where you thinking when you parked her?" They both responded the same pathetic sorry. I repeated the question several times, with the same response, leading me to believe they were even more stupid than I had originally thought. (The problem with their "sorry," it is was not a sincere sorry, it was a "geezzz what is the big deal?" If I though they truly understood the magnitude of their actions, I probably would have ceased with my verbal tirade)

After not getting any response to my well thought out question, I did what any good lawyer would do and changed the question to "Why would you even think it is appropriate to park in someone else's driveway, BEHIND their vehicle?" Again, I got a pathetic "sorry." So I asked the question AGAIN. Finally I was told that it was late and they didn't think I would be going anywhere. Also where else were they to park, there was snow in the street. (Reading between the lines, "We wore our best shoes, and clearly we could not park far away and walk, our shoes are not designed to walk on snow and ice, our feet might hurt, we could slip on the ice, and then we wouldn't look HOT for the party, and the boys we wanted to impress.")

My response was it's really rude to park in someone else's driveway, and block their vehicle. Then they told me I was being rude. BIG MISTAKE. Clearly they did not understand what I do for a living......I hadn't even gotten to rude yet, I was still in mom yelling mode.... I replied "I am NOT being rude. Rude is being so self centered as to think you are entitled to park where ever it is convenient for YOU, without regard to someone else's property. Quite frankly I could have had your vehicle towed, and the you would be paying $300 to get your vehicle out of hawk, as opposed to me telling you your behavior is unacceptable. You should be glad all you have to do is listen to me rather than leave the party and wonder what happened to your car. I did you a favor sweetie, be grateful." With that I turned and walked inside, clearly these twits were not going to get it.

Once inside I found Lauren laughing hysterically. She said "mom, you really know how to argue." I said, "yes and this is why daddy has refused for years to watch me in court, lawyer Tiffany scares him."

I spent the better part of the next day planning my next course of action against my frat boy neighbors, knowing full well that as the weather warmed up and water went in the pool, I had not seen the last of the parties across the street.

Around 6:00 p.m. on Saturday night there was a knock at my door. I opened up my door to discover two of the frat boys on my door step. They introducedthemselves, and offered a very sincere apology for the action of their party guests. They told me that they had instructed the guests to park at the bottom of the hill due to the limited parking in our neighborhood. I acknowledged that I had seen that on their sign. They said they were really sorry about her choice of parking, and agreed it was no appropriate. I believed them. They really were sorry, and honestly were concerned that I was upset, and did not want to have hard feelings. We exchanged a few pleasantries about each other and they gave me a piece of paper with their names and telephone numbers and told me if I ever had a problem, an issue or needed anything to call them. I accepted their apology and told them I appreciated them taking the time to come over and it really went a long way in repairing the damage from the night before.

On a final note, right after my tirade against the twit girl, and her twit friend, the party closed down. I guess a raving mad neighbor yelling at your party guests, puts a damper on the party mood. Kind of like getting busted by the cops.....

Gum

The rule in my house is that you have to be five years old before you are allowed to chew gum. I think that chewing gum requires a certain degree of responsibility, such as chewing your gum and not swallowing it, proper disposal of gum, and not letting gum leave your mouth unless it is leaving your mouth into a trash can.

My kids think I am a big "meanie" for this, but honestly I clean up enough of their "incidents" that I just don't want to add gum to the list of things I have to clean up, or rather unstick from surfaces it is not to be stuck to.

Yesterday in Sacrament meeting I was distracted for a moment, and somehow during that moment Katie managed to swipe a piece of gum and put it into her mouth. (I am still not clear if she swiped the gum from Lauren who was at the time getting her gum out, or if she conned the parents of the kid in front of us for the gum. I am thinking it was the kid in front because Katie's gum was a different color than the gum Lauren had.)

By the time my attention was directed back at Katie the gum was in her mouth and being chewed with full force. There was not a lot I could do at this point.....at least without creating an "incident" during sacrament meeting. So I told Katie to "KEEP THAT GUM IN YOUR MOUTH, and do not swallow it."

About 10 minutes later I noticed Katie was no longer happily smacking away on her gum. I asked Katie if she swallowed her gum. She said "no." Fearful that the gum was lurking somewhere either stuck to something or waiting to be stuck to something, I asked her where the gum was. She replied "in my stomach." Apparently she didn't want to cop to swallowing the gum, but she would admit to where it ended up.....

Play Doh

During one the days of Christmas vacation I refused to let anyone get dressed. I declared it was "Stay in your PJ's Day." Stay in your PJ's Day requires that you play with your new toys, watch movies, and hang out with your family. It was quite successful.

One of those new toys was Play Doh.

Check out Lauren's cupcakes.

Katie was all over this activity, especially since Lauren was playing with her.

Katie wants you to know this is a Popsicle. I had to pretend to "lick" it multiple times.

Next it was Play Doh pie.

A nice slice, fork included.

Finally, cookies so good it looks like you could eat them.

In our crazy life, it so nice to have simple days with Play Doh.

Out of the mouth of three year olds....

Lately Katie has taken to praying. Now she has always prayed, but it usually has been me telling her what to say. Not these days. Whether its bedtime prayers or a prayer on the food, the girl will be doing it on her own, and well...lets just say you never know what will be coming out of her mouth.

This week when saying her bedtime prayer she said, "Help us remember we're friends today and not call stupid."

Bet you can't guess what was going on in our house that day.....

Paperdolls, part 2

Admit it. After yesterday's post about my cute paper dolls you are dying to see more of their cuteness up close and personal. I simply can't let you down.

Mermaid, designed and created by Ciarran.

Army guy, designed and created by Colin.

Hula girl, designed and created by Shelby.

Clown, designed and created by Lauren.

Bride, designed by Katie, created by mommy.

Prom girl, designed and created by Lauren and Shelby.

Monster, designed and created by Lauren and Shelby.

Church girl, designed and created by Tiffany!

Paper Dolls

This last fall I bought a cartridge for my Circut that makes paper dolls. Lauren has been bugging me FOREVER to use it, so I promised I would take it to Idaho and we could make paper dolls during Christmas vacation. After putting her off as long as I could, by New Years Eve I ran out of excuses, so out came the equipment to make paper dolls.

Even Colin joined us! (Well it was a choice between paper dolls with us, or the movie Son of the Mask with the boys, personally I think Colin make a wise choice....)

Katie of course had to have a princess doll.

An action shot of Colin hard a work.

Ciarran made a most adorable mermaid.

Here are some of the other creations.

I had a doll I cut out and I didn't gage the size of my paper correctly, which resulted in the doll missing a foot. Not a problem, Colin made a disabled army guy. Plus if you look closely Colin gave him chest hair, that was actually hair Colin pulled out of his arm....I am torn between being completely impressed with his creativity, or grossed out....

The kids then had a grand time playing with the dolls. Seriously. It probably entertained them for two hours the next day. Who knew that much fun could be that inexpensive?

Here are a few of our creations.

Even my manly Mark had fun. I made him a "prom" guy, who without the top hat actually looks like a missionary. Since Mark had the only boy doll, (Colin and Ciarran took their creations home,) all the girls were after him. He was quite popular when it came time to play paper dolls.

Welcome 2011!

We welcomed in 2011 with the Tanners and it was lots of fun, lots of crazy and lots of loud.

We started with a chili dinner. Although you can see from the picture there was more goofing off than eating....
Next it was on to Uno, and to see who could be the biggest cheater. (Think Lauren)

Katie thought Uno was all sorts of fun, it was high fives all around.

Colin and Ciarran joined us for the evening. Colin was an Uno virgin, we cured him of that.....

Alas it was almost midnight...the party poppers are just waiting for the count down.

Party poppers flying everywhere.

Of course without noise makers our night was not complete.

Finally we "cheered" the new year in.